I’m writing this because I’ve realized that no-one ever writes about their adventures (or misadventures) on plastic. Sure, it’s sounds a bit lame, but there are still some funny stories and things that happen in the great indoors that can be memorable. I have come to enjoy training for climbing so much, and many good memories have been shared with people while getting powered out on the Moonboard or pumping out on endless plastic jugs in an overhang.
I’ve had a few indoor “epics”. You may think it’s impossible to have an epic indoors, and if you think of ‘epic’ in the sense of getting benighted on a massive wall and having to free stuck ropes in the rain etc. then you would be right. No, the epic I’m talking about is more a sort of funny happenstance, perhaps slightly dangerous…but at the end of the day, nothing too serious.
To the Core
A classic mini epic for me is getting a horrific core shot in my rope when at the 2nd or 3rd last quickdraw, high on the wall. I often use my old, soft sport ropes for gym climbing (which I do not in any way recommend), so I don’t wear out my nice new(er) ropes. I was once vehemently working a route on the feature called the Chief, in Pretoria. I took whipper after whipper on this green 28, trying repeatedly to make upward progress through the redpoint crux high up. On arrival at the 2nd last quickdraw I look down and see this long white strip of bare core strands, just about 2 or 3 metres away from where I’m tied in. Chills run through my spine as I adopt a death grip on the dog bone of the nearby quickdraw. “TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE” I shout to the belayer, and slowly put my weight on the rope, eyes wide like dinner plates.
I tell him to lower me slowly, and as the core shot part of the tight rope runs over the quickdraw, we both feel a ‘kadunk’. I make it down to the ground and breathe a sigh of relief. We both have a laugh, and the rope is immediately retired from service. The sheath has become a bit too old and soft at this point. Always check your ropes for furry spots and cut them shorter or retire them!
Surprisingly, this has happened twice to me. I once took a massive whipper and heard a sound like my pants were ripping. I looked at my pants; they were fine. I thought nothing of it and continued up the route I was trying, taking several more falls. Reaching the chains, I clip and lower off. We pull the rope down and suddenly I see core strands billowing out like intestines. Not again! The nature of gym climbing seems to be hard on your ropes, probably due to the high number of routes to be found at your limit (at least for me) and hence the number of whippers you take. Another good reason to invest in an Edelrid Boa Gym rope – these things have a sheath that is tough enough for any abuse, and you won’t end up like me thinking you’ve ripped your pants!
Route Setting Shenanigans
My next ‘almost’ epic on plastic happened when I was route setting in Johannesburg. I had just finished stripping a line up the Prow, which is a massive striking feature that looks like the prow of a ship and is the center piece of the gym’s highwall climbing. I had removed my fixed line and began rapping down.
About 8 metres off the ground the rope suddenly pops through my brake hand. I look down, mortified, not believing how I’m still suspended and not falling, and see the stiff, taped bit right at the very end of the rope somehow jammed in the brake side of the Gri-Gri. I suddenly realized that I had mistakenly taken one of the offcuts of newly cut static rope, which was only about 20 meters long. The rope was long enough to be used as a single fixed line but too short when doubled for an abseil. Luckily, I was using a backup rope with a DMM Buddy attached, so I wouldn’t have decked, but with a heavy bag of holds still attached to myself, I would’ve taken a massive king swing onto the backup rope, with the bag somewhere in the mix! I managed to very slowly and smoothly unclip my Jumar from my harness and attach it to the rope above me, gingerly clipping it with a long sling, standing up onto it and pulling the rope through so I wasn’t sitting on the edge of a horrendous whipper. From there I transferred onto my backup rope, which was indeed long enough, and finished my descent to the ground. At this stage a few of my colleagues had gathered to observe my demise. I heard the banter upon reaching the ground and quickly realized that I wouldn’t be hearing the end of this one any time soon!
T-nuts and Safety Squints
On the topic of route setting – another epic I had happened while grinding out a T-nut behind the climbing wall. While setting a route or boulder, sometimes a setter will cross-thread the bolt, which causes it to jam inside the T-nut in the wall. The screws holding the t-nut at the back will then shear off and then you have a big mess to sort out. After some rock paper scissors and general grumbling, someone must crawl around behind the wall in the dark with an angle grinder and cut the bolt off. This sounds simple, but often the T-nut is still flush with the wall, meaning you can’t get to the bolt to cut it off clean. So, you must basically chop the T-nut into small pieces, until you can hit the thing back through the front of the climbing wall. This often means grinding in a confined space, with sparks flying in all directions.
So, there I was, grinding out a stripped T-nut behind the wall, groveling to get the thing out, trying different angles and effing and blinding while trying to hit the thing out. I was wearing safety goggles, but not the sealed type – which was my mistake. Eventually I hit it out, replace the T-nut, and head out from behind the wall. Suddenly I realize that my eye feels itchy, and I realize I must have an iron filing in my eye. Okay, no big deal, go to the mirror and wipe it out with an earbud? Nope – it turns out the iron filing has stabbed into my eyeball and is now impossible to remove myself. After a lot of trying, I am unsuccessful and decide stupidly to see if it’ll come out on its own. That night I didn’t sleep a wink. Every time I closed my eyes, I could feel this iron filing on the inside of my eyelid, scratching away. The next day, feeling like a zombie, I quickly locate the nearest eye surgeon, and he removes it for me. He tells me that it is quite a common thing with people in construction to get something in their eye despite wearing glasses – the sealed goggle type is for obvious reasons a much better design for this application!
My colleagues are suspicious and quiz me as to whether I was wearing safety glasses or just ‘safety squints’. I had cracked a joke in the past about not wearing safety glasses, that all you need is to squint your eyes (safety squints) but this time I was wearing glasses.
I promise you!
